Being a wedding guest isn’t always a piece of cake, and the more weddings you’re invited to the more the costs, time commitments, and emotions add up. Even in the best of times attending a wedding can put an unexpected financial strain on you.
Couples try to give you a heads up (save the dates), but in any given year, how are you to know when someone is going to get engaged and start making plans for a wedding in the not too distant future that you’ll be invited to? When the wedding invites start arriving in bunches, it could suddenly feel like the funds you were saving up for a new car or a beach holiday are on the verge of extinction.
Thankfully I have some solutions. Keep reading to see ways you can plug the hole in your handbag where the money seems to disappear every time you see the words, “You Are Cordially Invited” appear.
Buy an Epic Gift for Less
Assuming you’re going, then you’re going to need to bring a gift. Don’t put this off to the last minute in hopes the problem will go away. As soon as your couple posts their registry, jump into action in securing an epic gift for less. Your plan should be to do a group gift by getting some of the other guests that you’re close with to go in with you on a big gift. If a couple has a few big ticket items on their gift registry they might be hoping one of their well-off grandparents will swoop in and snag it for them, but if you work quickly to put a team together you might be able to purchase it for the couple as a group. This could potentially be less of an outlay per guest than individually picking up the gifts in the middle of the price range.
Share a Room, Split the Cost
If you’ve done any traveling in the last three or four years, you know that hotels have gotten mega-pricey. It can feel like the cost of two or three nights in a hotel can make or break the whole trip. But if you don’t mind sharing a room with a friend or family member who’s also on the guest list, then you can cut your nightly rate in half.
The price of vacation rentals have also gone up significantly, but you could always consider sharing a house with other guests – maybe you’ll even be able to pick the smallest room and pay a little less than the guest choosing the large primary bedroom. You might even find a place that has bunk beds in one of the rooms and split the cost accordingly. Yay, sleepover!
Go Solo
The first two ideas were about teaming up, but here’s an idea for saving money by going it alone. If you and your spouse are both invited, but you can’t afford to both attend, one way to save money is by splitting up and having one of you skip out.
One airplane ticket is cheaper than two. If you and your partner don’t think it’s financially feasible to both go, then just send one of you. If part of the reason you need to cut back is because you have multiple weddings coming up, then it might be a good idea to take turns with each of you attending one of the weddings while the other stays home.
Couples are generally understanding if you give them a believable excuse for why you both couldn’t make it. It’s a bummer they only got one of you in person, but it’s never the end of the world.
Make it a Business Trip
Sure a wedding trip is fun, but for cost savings is it possible for you to turn the trip into a work trip? You could pick up some clients in the city you’re visiting for the wedding, and by doing so make the trip into a money maker or at least break even. Or perhaps you can save yourself from burning a paid day off, by working remotely from the airport, on the plane and in the hotel on your way to the wedding. And if the wedding is over a three-day holiday weekend it might even be possible to get paid time-and-a-half for working remotely during the holiday while on the go. It won’t feel like a day in the office, and you’ll pick up some extra cash.
Turn Your Wedding Trip Into a Profitable Sourcing Adventure
Try visiting some new flea markets or thrift stores on your wedding trip and come home with some new merchandise for your reselling side hustle. Some of the hottest items at any swap meet are readily available somewhere else, but impossible to source where you live and normally make your sales. For example, are you heading to Minnesota for a wedding? The Land of 10,000 Lakes has enough fishing gear to last any dedicated angler for years. Pick some up for cheap while you’re visiting the upper Midwest and sell it to collectors in parts of the country where it’s less ubiquitous.
Just Go To The Wedding, You’ve Earned It
Speaking of air travel, how about cashing in some of your saved up frequent flier miles or credit card cash-back points for a free ticket? You can be strategic about using part points/miles and part cash, or at the very least justify the expense as another way to earn points towards a future rewards trip.
This can hold true at hotels as well. What’s the point of joining all the hotel loyalty programs if you’re not cashing in the free stays once and awhile?
It’s Ok to Say “No”
Think of your “Will not be attending” RSVP from the couple’s perspective. Sure, they want you to come to their wedding, but every “NO” saves them money too. Weddings are usually priced out by guest count. So, if you can’t go, it’s ok to politely bow out. There is nothing worse for you to go to a wedding that you don’t want to be at, or to have a wedding guest who’s miserable. It’s not financially great for either party, and by just not going in the first place, you’ll save everyone money.
I think the best way to outright decline is with a nice phone call. I actually had to decline an invite to a good friend’s wedding that was across the country a few years ago. I really did want to be there, but it just wasn’t making sense for me or my family. I gave the couple a call and told them the truth from the heart. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but a phone call can go a long way and will keep your connection with the couple strong.
If simply sending back a “no” RSVP card isn’t enough, then be honest. Don’t be brutally honest, be polite but honest. Get on the phone or sit down over coffee and give it to them straight. Tell them what’s holding you back. We all have problems and no one lives in a bubble. They’ll understand, and if not, and they react poorly, at least you can take pride in knowing you were the bigger person. A friendship or relationship shouldn’t be based on this one transaction. Yes, emotions can run high when weddings are involved, but if everyone can keep their cool and be level headed in the end, then a good conversation while sharing a bottle of wine will strengthen your relationship and maybe even lead to alternatives, such as a smaller but more personalized role in their big day, a change of attire plans, or an understanding that you’ll do all you can, but may have to dial back on something to make it work.
What Couples Can Do To Ease the Burden
Every wedding coordinator, every wedding planner, and every wedding advice Facebook group will tell you the same thing; expect between 15 and 30% of invitees to decline. For one reason or another, guests you’d wish could make, it won’t be able. This is a fact. If you, as a couple, want to make it easier for people to say “Yes” to your invite, try these tips.
Take Care of your Wedding Party
If you’re worried about putting too much strain on your wedding party, why not offer to pay for their tux rentals or purchase their dresses? I’ve had this happen to me as a bridesmaid before and it’s awesome. It was especially helpful for me because I was in my 20s. In my case the bride’s parents paid for my dress as part of their contribution to the wedding. It was much appreciated, and a gesture that I’ll never forget. I don’t remember the food, or the cake or the bar, but I do remember the generosity of the bride’s parents. And sure, the savings were great, but it was really just the overall feeling that they gave me and the other bridesmaids and groomsmen. The couple and their parents wanted us to be a part of their special day and wanted to make us feel good, and by golly it worked.
Celebrate Sans-Party
Who needs a wedding party, really? In fact, I’m a big advocate of not having bridesmaids or groomsmen assigned at all. I think, from a planning perspective it makes the lives of the couple so so SO much easier. And it makes the lives of the friends and family attending so much easier as well.
One of the most stressful things on wedding days is navigating where all your people are and “taking care of them”. I see this happen time and time again, the logistics of making everyone feel like they are being respected for their role in the proceedings can be overwhelming. It’s easier to just do away with this stressor. It’ll save a lot of headaches in the lead up and on your wedding day, as well as saving your VIP guests money. I would make a case for having no bridal party at all weddings. It’s a cost savings for everyone!
Ease the Pain So You Can Enjoy the Celebration(s)
If you have a lot of friends getting married this year and your calendar looks a little daunting, I suggest setting an overall wedding spending budget – and stick to it. If you know you can’t spend over a set dollar amount, you’ll be forced to find ways to cut spending so that things don’t balloon out of control by giving into every chance for FOMO spending (fear of missing out) or YOLO spending (you only live once).
Find more great tips for couples and for wedding guests in my Ultimate Guide to Eloping In Las Vegas.
