Let’s set the record straight on this right off the bat. It is 100% not too late to get married if you’ve been together 10 years.
Ten years can go by in the blink of an eye, especially when you’re in love. As the old saying goes, time flies when you’re having fun.
Dating, engagements, weddings and marriages are not one-size-fits-all. You’re not buying a sofa, you’re falling in love and creating a life with someone, and it can happen within whatever timeframe you want it to.
Don’t think of 10 years together before marriage as “late.” If you want, or need, to take 20 years before getting married, it’s all good.
In fact, under common law marriage statutes in some states, living together long enough and exhibiting all the characteristics of an officially married couple means that you are married — you just haven’t purchased a marriage license or had your marriage solemnized by a ceremony.
It’s Never Too Late
Now is a good time. Next year is great too. Eight years from now? Also perfect! It’s never too late to get married.
If you’ve been together for 10 years then chances are the two of you are basically living like a married couple anyway.
Other than the symbolic act of holding a ceremony and certain legal rights granted to you by the government, your friends and family will hardly be able to tell the difference in the two of you pre- and post-wedding.
How Long is Too Long to Wait to Get Engaged?
There’s no such thing as too long. The people that tell you you’re taking too long are being presumptuous…and pretty rude.
They can’t control you anymore than they can control the tides or the migration patterns of monarch butterflies.
Everyone’s circumstances are different. So many factors are at play, so many forces pull people in different directions, pushing obstacles in the way and creating ups and downs…
Life and relationships are a roller coaster, and that doesn’t mean that your ride is the same as everyone else.
Is it possible to get engaged to your highschool sweetheart when you’re 19 and live happily ever after?
Yes, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong if you’d rather date for 10 years, living together, growing together, learning together and figuring things out together before you decide to get engaged and get married.
What Happens If You Wait Too Long to Get Married?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
If you’re perpetually engaged, and the wedding date is super far in the future, or keeps getting pushed back for one reason or another then you could run into problems with planning and logistics.
But there is no magical clock that strikes midnight, there is no carriage that turns into a pumpkin and there is no deadline for when you need to get married.
Getting married doesn’t have to be an item on a checklist.
Benefits to Waiting
It’s possible that people actually stand to gain from waiting a little longer to get engaged. Ten years gives a couple time to do a bunch of things that can be healthy and support long term happiness.
Getting to Know Each Other
Waiting to get married gives a couple more time to get to know each other. Rushing into marriage before you know your partner deeply could be problematic.
And if you’re not comfortable with who they are until you’ve known them for 10 years, then so be it.
Saving Up For A Special Day
Perhaps being together for 10 years allows more time to save for a dream wedding.
The 10 years you and your partner spend getting some coin in the bank can be well worth it if it allows you to comfortably afford to do your special day the way you’ve always wanted to.
This may be especially true if you meet the love of your life when you’re young.
When finances are tight during the early stages of your career, the last thing in your budget might be an expensive wedding.
Cohabitating
Waiting 10 years before tying the knot can give the two of you more time to experience living together.
Moving in together is a big step, and there’s nothing wrong with moving slowly. You may want to take it in stages or test out different types of housing here and there for a few years before the two of you find your happy place.
It could also be useful to have that time to get comfortable with always being together. You’ll never get to know someone better than you will when you live together.
(Cheers to just learning that my spouse doesn’t dry their hands after washing them! Weirdo.)
Decision Making
Spending 10 years in a relationship before getting married can give a couple more time to make decisions about the life they want together.
Where will you live? Will you stay close to family or set out across the world together? Where will your money come from, is it stable and can you count on it to make the life you want together? Will you have kids? Will you buy a house?
Lots of big questions might come into play before answering the one at the altar with “I do.” Figuring it all out takes time.
When you take time to soak it all in and gather information, you can make more informed decisions.
Make It Special
Following a 10 year relationship up with a wedding presents another opportunity — making your wedding extra special! This could be done differently depending on how you want to play it.
On one end of the spectrum, you could turn your wedding day into the big blowout grand finale that friends and family have been anticipating.
Conversely, you could take a more intimate approach. You could make it private and more meaningful to just the two of you, forgoing the big wedding with all of the traditional aspects.
An elopement could be a great way to celebrate without all the pomp and circumstance — and without the big price tag.
This may be fitting if you’ve come to see marriage as more of a formality than a milestone after being together so long.
If you need help planning your elopement or destination micro wedding, take a look at our Destination Wedding Checklist. It’s a user-friendly tool that will make planning your nuptials a breeze.
